Is It Conflict or Bullying?

What is conflict?

Conflict between friends or classmates is quite common. Arguments, disagreements, and misunderstandings are common forms of conflict. Influences of dominance or imbalances of power are absent from most conflicts. (Think small versus short, popular versus unpopular, a group against an individual.) Conflicts happen during recess games, group projects, or misunderstandings between friends or classmates. Oftentimes friend groups can shift as students move through developmental stages and begin to have differing interests. These changes may create conflict and hurt feelings.

Criteria for Bullying

Bullying is usually a situation where there is an imbalance in power, and the mean or rude actions are repeated and intentional. Bullying can be acts of physical aggression or verbal aggression, such as teasing, name calling, or spreading rumors on social media and group chats. Monitoring children’s electronic devices can be a great prevention strategy. Equally important are instances of bullying through exclusion of others. The victim of bullying can experience fear or distress from the repeated acts.

What role does your child play in bullying?

Parents may not be aware that there are several roles in bullying scenarios. Most can easily identify the exchange between the aggressor or bully and the victim, but we cannot ignore that some students participate in these scenarios by being followers who also contribute to the aggressive behavior or verbal exchange. Other roles would include passive supporters who do not act out but secretly support the bullying. Apathetic onlookers may not really care or see a need to help. Some students may want to defend the victim, but out of fear or uncertainty, do not act. Ultimately, our goal is to coach students to be defenders - the essential role of participants.

How Parents Can Help

Parents and trusted adults play a vital role in helping children navigate peer relationships.

Teaching children to work through conflict respectfully can build life-long problem solving skills.  Parents can also reinforce the message that if you “See Something, Say Something.” If the need arises, parents can reach out to teachers, counselors, or administrators. Open lines of communication help everyone work as a team. One of the most important ways parents can help their children build positive relationships between students is by teaching empathy. Encouraging students to understand and respect the feelings of others is vital for a positive and healthy school environment.

Gina Smith is PreK-8th Grade Counselor at Pinecrest Academy. Mrs. Smith earned a master’s degree in school counseling from Mercer University and a bachelor’s degree in psychology with a minor in child development from Berry College. She also holds a certificate in school counseling and elementary education. Prior to school counseling, she was a classroom teacher for over 11 years, including seven years at Pinecrest. In addition to school counseling, Mrs. Smith has experience as a Licensed Associate Counselor. She has been married for twenty-eight years and is the mother of four grown children (ages 27, 25, 22, and 18).